How to Charm Your Lady
by totalqt16
Summary: Hiccup and Astrid are in their late teens these days, and are left to fend for themselves against an enemy far worse were the dragons ... teenage hormones ... MULTI-CHAPTER! PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Of Stars and Astrids

**Of Stars and Astrids**

The air tastes sweet in his throat. He stands in a field of wheat, he assumes, the yellow stalks touched ever so lightly by the morning's golden rays, _but_ — he contemplates – _it's still night, or ... __**looks **__like it ...?_

It's true. The sky is a shade of pitch-black, and dusted with stars - though the Earth beneath him is clearly illuminated – _... weird? ... _he examines, _... __**and **__...____kind of impossible_

_But then ... _he thinks to himself, _everyone in Berk thought the idea of riding _dragons _was crazy – taming a Night Fury was impossible ... and the idea, that Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III could do it? Hiccup? - The walking toothpick, and punching bag combination? – Berk's hero? _he smirked, puffing out his chest, and tumbling backward into the soft grain _... absurd ..._

The boy laughed to himself. The dreamy scenery before him suddenly didn't seem so strange anymore, and even if it were as odd as he had first thought ... _who cares? _

It was _nice_ – the fresh wheat was like a cloud beneath him, and filled the morning-night air with that tell-tale sweetness. The indigo and ebony skyline, sprayed with stars was unnaturally pretty, as was the _sunlight _that danced beneath it – _like a candle's flame_ _..._

If he weren't so awake, sleep would've taken him under – this place was soothing, peaceful ... almost ... _romantic ... _

_If I ever come back here, I'll have to take Astrid with me, _he chuckled _even _Viking _girls know pretty when they see it!_

" ... Hiccup?" a soft, sultry voice called out in the distance.

"... Huh? ... What? ... Who's?" suddenly frantic, the Viking boy bolted upright, staring wide-eyed into his surroundings to find the source of the strange voice.

"... _Relax_ ..." she mutters, drawing closer toward him in a position that could only be described as cat-like, hips swaying lightly, hands spread out upon the ground, one in front of the other.

"... _Astrid_?" he gasped, the mere sight of her knocking all of the air from his lungs.

Her blonde locks spill out toward the sides of his face, and curtain her back like a silken vale, like the goddess, Freya herself – his divine beauty.

"Wh-_what_? Wh-why? ... How?" he stammers, the air in this utopia becoming uncomfortably thick, heat pounding at his lungs _– _as she continues this _feline_-stance towards him, her slow smirk reminding Hiccup starkly of late night festivities ... where mead was served.

"... You're _blushing _..." she laughs, as she reaches him, running a slender index finger down the not-so-broad plains of his chest. "... it's cute ..."

"... _cute_?" he repeated, he had never known the girl to use such ... _girl_-like terminology before – on any given day, of Astrid had seen him show such a sign of weakness, well ... the punching ... and the bruising ... would've started. But now ...?

"... Mmm ..._ cute_ ..." she hums, lazily burring her head of the crock of his neck, and ... _purring_ ...? His "mead theory" was beginning to sound more and more promising.

"... Astrid?" he cried, confusion threatening to drown him. "... Astrid? ... _Astrid_? Hey? ..." he continued, his voice rising several humiliating octaves – as she began to kiss at the area, the feel of her breath, her lips, painting an undeniably _stupid _smirk on his lips.

"... _Astrid _..." he repeats, the name sounding more like a word of prayer this time.

A few moments later, they tumble – he looming above her, assuming _her _position, breathing in her scent – the smell of fresh spring blossoms, and competitive edge, and ... _Alaskan Cod?_

"... Dragon breath!" he bolts upright, shielding his nose, and taking notice of the extra scale-covered pounds of weight resting atop him. " ... _Toothless? _Odin's _beard! _Day-old fish, _again?_"

The reptile flashed him a look of unmistakable humor at his friend's horror, though a feint guilt was also present.

"... a _dream _..." Hiccup mutters, dragging his feet along the floor, and washing away the present warmth ... _heat _... with a splash of cool water.

This day would be a long one.


	2. A Case of the Hiccups

**A Case of the Hiccups**

Astrid Hofferson was _different_. A fierce, determined warrior, a skilled fighter, and one who could best the boys of Berk at any challenge.

Whatever her _mother _believed, Astrid Hofferson would _definitely _not grow up to become the prim, and proper "house wife" of her the woman's twisted fantasies, she was different, _special._

"_So what's up with all this weird __**hormonal **__garbage?" the she-viking grumbled, within the recesses of her mind. "... so he's Berk's big, tough __**hero**__" she scoffed at the word. "I could still pin the pip-squeak down if I wanted ..."_

As the thought rolled out before her, an image of said "pip-squeak" came to mind – flights with Toothless _had _made him more ... _firm_ over the years. And, his shoulders had attained the kind of broadness over the years that would make most women swoon ... but _not _Astrid ... of course.

_She'd _never be caught drooling over the carved planes of his chest, or the tightness of his gut as it moved in time with his dragon's dips, and swirls through the skies.

Or those ... _eyes _– deep, green, forest-like orbs ... darkening with determination when he sought to complete a task – or darkening with ... something ... _else _... _arousal ..._?

Though, she hadn't spoken the word aloud, she had clamped her mouth shut as soon as it had slithered it's way into her mind – it was so pathetic ... so _girly _– so un-Astrid.

Her moment of self-loathing faded, as soon as her traitorous brain began painting a _very _vivid picture of _herself _being _pinned _by the "pip-squeak" her eyes widened in horror, as a giggle began to bubble within her throat — and suddenly that memory of themselves on the training grounds, all of three years ago, seemed a bit more ... _dangerous_.

"_It's __**not **__true!"_ she scolded herself, _"... I-I'm not one of ... of_ ..._"_

"Astrid-look-alive!"

"Huh?" she muttered, startled – realizing all at once that she was flying - although, not before colliding head-first with a low-lying branch, and tangling a stitch of her clothing on the tree's limb, as well.

"... Deja vu?" Hiccup smirks, coming to _save _her from remaining stuck there, on a fine specimen of Berk's plant-life ... again ...

"... Yeah, yeah ..." she huffed, irritated, and inconspicuously avoiding eye contact. "... just ..." she squirms, defeated. "... just, get me down from here ..."

He laughs. "... Sure ..."

Hiccup pulls her instantly from the plant's clutches, and places her on the back of her blue-scaled Nadar, which hovers in mid-flight, protectively below her.

" _... them _..._" _she finishes the thought in a growl, as she strokes her Nadar's spine, absently muttering "... good boy ...", and watches him fly off.

Alright, so Hiccup _had _become more attractive – but he was _hardly _worth all of the Tiny-Terror-stares given to him daily by the girls of Berk. Maija – the bitter-as-troll family "friend" of the Haddacks, Camicazi – Hiccup's little warrior friend, and Ruff ... yeah, even she's been known sneak a few quick glances now and again

"_... I always thought that kinda behavior was beneath Ruff – sure, when we were younger she'd had a crush on him – we _all _knew that, but I'd figured she'd matured — I have ..." _The more Astrid mowed over her friend's doe-eyed expression, the less unsettling the notion of Ruff's "crush" became.

"_... She'd better keep her eyes inside her _head _if she knows what's good for her – he was mine then, and he's _mine _now – and she better not think I won't ..." _The thought halted, dear _Thor _what was _wrong _with her.

"_... Okay, first hormonal now insane jealous girlfriend?" _she pondered, _"... that branch must've _clobbered _me!" _

"_... I'm not like the rest of them ..." _she assured herself, _"I'm different ..."_

Hiccup and Toothless rounded, cutting across the pastel skyline – he flashed a smile in her direction – _"... those eyes again ... maybe I'm ... not ..."_


	3. Of Words and Bookworms

**Of Words and Book Worms**

– – – –

**Lame title, I know ... ^^; **

– – – –

Fishlegs had always and forever been the more ... literary- inclined(?) of the children of Berk. But during this evening's meal, his was not the only nose to be found hidden behind a work of literature, _if _you could call it that.

Yes, the boys of Berk were doing their _homework _so to speak, however _this _particular ... _assignment_, had little to do with the hunt, the proper stance when riding a dragon, or _anything _in particular that might aid them in daily life inside the village.

Regardless of what they thought about it, _this _particular volume was utterly useless, the novel's poor construction, its hand-written text, and its undoubtably idiotic context was all do to none other than Snotlout, who rested easily in his dining chair, baring a purely _male _look of satisfaction.

Upon _finally _being able to court a girl, (one _stupid _enough to fall for his lines), the arrogant jerk now had reason more than a massive ego, to believe he were Thor's gift to Viking women.

And, at the risk of said _ego _possiblydeflating, the _dope _had to secure this title by ... writing a "book" (as he calls it) on what the boy so humbly referred to as, "the mastery of flirtation."

As surprising as it was unfortunate, several young men in the village began hanging on every word the _snot _had written, as though the chicken-scratched words on the battered, and poorly sewn copies were the words of the gods themselves. And, as much as Astrid _hated _to admit she found herself disturbingly _curious _about what exactly Snotlout had to say about affairs of the heart.

Surely all of it was nothing more than a pack of idiotic lies and fabrication. It _had _taken Hiccup's cousin nearly _six _years to learn his left from his right, this resulting in several training accidents (which he referred warmly, as "battle scars").

But, as idiotic as the notion of "master author, Snotlout" seemed, Astrid failed to understand why it seemed intelligent enough to influence the boys.

Even the seemingly level-headed Fishlegs – who, during that evening had proclaimed in an awkward and broken tone – a loud one – that Ruffnut looked lovely in the candle light, earning him several stares, and a death glare from the object of his affections.

"So ..." Astrid began, in Hiccup's direction – an undertone of annoyance poking it's way through the word. "... how is it?"

"Wha-? Oh! Its – it's ridiculous Astrid, dripping with cheesy pick-up lines, compliments ..." he listed.

"Compliments?" her brow arched, the _pick-up lines_ she'd expected.

"Yeah ..." he cleared his throat, and continued " – like here, it says, how you should tell a girl she's ..." he paused, and looked up at her, with a kind of shy desperation – like he wanted to ... touch her, stroke her hair, run his calloused blacksmith's thumb down her cheek –the muscles in his throat contracted roughly, her's did too.

"...beautiful." he breathed. "– like I'm telling you now."

"... Yeah?" she'd uttered, entirely too ... _girly _emotions, began pounding at her skull with the impact of a war hammer, her heart drummed. "You really think I'm ... pretty?" The coughed out the word, feinting nonchalance – barely clinging to that small spark Astrid-ness, left screaming in the back of her mind.

"Beautiful." he repeated, a bit louder this time, a burning, scarlet blush beginning to creep its way up to his cheeks.

"Ugh, get a room _lovebirds_!" came Tuffnut's catcall, causing the haze that had broken over the two to shatter, as they stared at their friend with mouth's agape, looking horrified.

Ruff had looked as equally disgusted as her brother at the couple's display, but merely rolled her eyes at them, her nose wrinkled, and gave Tuff a swift punch in the arm for good measure. The male twin growled – glaring at his sister, as he rubbed out the pain radiating up his shoulder.

Hiccup and Astrid – silently grateful to Ruffnut for offering a distraction, stole quick, embarrased glances, at each other, and returned to their meals.

Snotlout's copy of _How to Charm Your Lady _lay to rest forgotten on Hiccup's lap.


End file.
